War In The Hive

Soloist Log OI-1-2964/0957

Game Date 8/7/09

DECRYPTION CODE ACCEPTED

IDENTITY CONFIRMED

WELCOME BACK ALTIAN

I can’t believe I’m even taking the time to write this bullshit considering where I fucking am right now, but I’ll be damned if I get eaten and my family doesn’t know what happened to me. We meet up with Ceaser, who was with a Sister of Battle and an ex-commissar, one Lt. Kruser. Ceaser tells us that he will take one of the two and go to the waterworks where one bomb would be, and my group would go to the other location in the middle of the market district. He gave me the choice of who would go with us. I was considering the Sister of Battle, until the Scum kept running his mouth about how the Inquisition sucks and his usual rhetoric, then started hitting on her. I could start to see the vein forming on her forehead, and while it would have been hysterical to see her rip his head from his body, I decided to take Lt. Kruser to prevent any additional messes. We begin making the long drive down to the bomb, and it was during this time I realized I was the one who was most qualified to disarm the damn thing. Just let that sink in for a minute. An ASSASSIN was the most tech savvy member of the group… I thought we were gonna die.

We plow our way through the crowd at the market to get to the statue of the Emperor where the bomb was supposedly hidden. There were 3 people off to the side, who stuck out like sore thumbs as being nobles in this shitty area, and definitely looked suspicions, so the Scum and I went off to box them in and I eventually went to talk to them. Well the psyker does his little hocus pocus bullshit and scares everyone away…except for the 8 guardsmen and the 3 nobles that I was talking to….oh joy…. One of the bastards shoves me down and sticks a flamer in my face. If I didn’t think they would be a good source of info, I would have made sure they regretted fucking with me. Instead I dove out of the way and used one of my sedative grenades to knock them out, then helped the group to off the rest of the guardsmen. In the fight, the psyker got bitchslapped by his own powers and blew his own arm off. I really need to make sure I stay the fuck away from his ass when we are fighting. That is NOT how I plan on dying thank you very much. We then begin looking for evidence of the bomb, and I find a seam on the statue that shouldn’t be there, so Kruser has us use the Chimera to rip it off its base. I manage to navigate the tangle of bullshit whose only purpose was to set the fucker off, to get at the heart of the bastard. Some binary fluid bomb that would ensure that tomorrow would make you feel all itchy and hivey and dead. Somehow, I manage to figure out the password, and disable the bomb. I better get a pay raise for that shit….

After that pants browning experience, we are given a week to ourselves, where I get to help interrogate those noble fucks from before, and make some nifty new poison toys, and dick around with my equipment. Once our week was up, I then received the most bullshit order I have ever gotten in my entire time with the Inquisition. Some asshole decides that our group would be perfect to stop an Ork invasion on some shitfest planet. Let me repeat… Our group to take out an Ork rock and warboss instead of Space Marines….. I think some people have gone soft in the head around here. The scum and I were very vocal about how incredibly bullshit this order was, but I am duty bound to comply, so we took off for the planet. Just as we reach orbit, we are told that the Orks had pushed the guardsmen back and that we needed to helljump in with the rest of the crazies to help push the Orks back. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE! We are NOT front line grunts! I thought we were members of the Inquisition whose job was to sniff out heresy, not faceless soldiers to be hurled into the meat grinder. So we are then hurled at the planet in our own personal metal coffins right into the action. I boot my way out and see some Ork playing hackey-sack with a dead guardsman. I take aim and remove his head from his body, and then the fun starts. Waves and waves of the ugly green fuckers run at us, and we manage to blow them all away just as reinforcements arrive.

I can’t wait to hear the reasoning behind sending us in instead of glassing this planet. Cannot. Fucking. Wait.

Altian Out

LOGOUT SUCCESSFUL

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